can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
