I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
