YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
