Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
