what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
