I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
