She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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