Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
