if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
