That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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