Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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