If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
