did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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