my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
