I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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