And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
