sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
