I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
