I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
