so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
