Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
