I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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