You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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