She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
