think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
