we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
