Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
