I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm always down for nudity.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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