This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
