i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
