Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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