Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
