plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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