I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
