You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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