Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
