But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
