my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
