We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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