Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
