Who did Billy Mays play for?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
