i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
