Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
