He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
