my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
