why didn't you poke me back
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
