I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was confusing and full of hummus
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
