I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
