I'm gonna have a badass scar
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
