So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
