My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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