i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
