I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
