Redeem this text for a blowjob
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
