Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
